pipe. dreams.

I wanted some privacy this morning. Not like super secret, cone of silence privacy- more like small people not needing anything urgent and without an audience privacy. Which is like.. as much privacy as I can imagine these days. And you would think that with my husband at work, Noah sleeping, and Lily playing in the room next door.. that I would have some while sitting in my own living room. But.. I ended up not. Because my brother-in-law lives with us.

He went out last night and when I went to bed around 2am, he hadn't come back yet. I got up for the day around 10am (after feeding Noah 3 or 4 times during the night), but had no idea whether or not he had tiptoed in while I was sleeping. Which is frustrating. Frustrating like.. when I just need to run into the bathroom, pee (and wash my hands), and run out again, because you know.. kids. (Privacy, pff.) But most of the time I can't do it- unless I've actually seen my brother-in-law leave, I've been awake the whole time afterwards, and know he didn't come back. But even then..

I have no idea if his girlfriend is still around. Yup. Of course, there has to be a girlfriend too. Who basically lives here. Because, ya know, of course. Which is.. whatever.. it is what it is. If you have one extra person living with you, you might as well have two.. or twelve, right? What difference does it make, extra is extra.

So just because my brother-in-law leaves, doesn't mean his girlfriend does. Oh yes. There's been plenty of times he's left for work, I've been at home all day with Lily and Noah, haven't heard a peep from his room, and then he comes home by himself.. only to leave 10 minutes later.. WITH his girlfriend. The first few times I couldn't believe it. "How does she not have pee.. all day?!," I said to Jason. "I would have to pee. Does she just sleep? I never hear a sound all day.. and then it's like poof, there she is."

I don't understand. Why? Why would you just sit in a room all day? Not peeing (I mean, hopefully), not eating, or drinking, going outside, or watching tv. Like a pet. Like a goldfish, because they are the quiet. I have no idea. None of us understand what is going on. Don't even get me started on how I feel about leaving the house when she's there by herself.

But.. I have a dream. A dream I've had since all of this started oh so long ago. And that dream is to someday not have any in-laws living with me. It is a pipe dream, I realize, and yet I cannot stop hoping for it. The origins of that phrase.. the dreams you might have after smoking an opium pipe.. really may be the only thing that gets me through this..