what we did this week

caution / garden tomatoes / birthday flowers / threadless shirt / birthday envelope front / birthday envelope back / more birthday flowers / raspberry lime / fried pickles

what we did this week

Former President Lincoln seems to approve of Mitt Romney's choice for VP / Lily's Lego creation / Noah's eating so much food / what I stare at when I do the dishes / binky / green tomatoes

Pre Pre-School

I had to drop paperwork off at Lily's school and I thought, hey I'll bring her along so she can check it out too. Ahaahahah haha. Ha.

I talked to her about "the rules" of going to "SEE" the school.. for "a short visit".. "a VERY SHORT visit." I talked to her again. I made Jason talk to her. We tried to make her repeat the rules of what a very short visit entailed. I even bribed her with ice cream. Several times.

I talked to Jason about how I was going to DIE if she does what she usually does when you try to get her to do something she doesn't want to. That I would DIE. RIGHT THERE. I would walk out and just DIE right there on the pavement. And that would be the end of me. I swear to God..

As we got in the car, we talked about how SHORT the visit was going to be. Like, when we go to the post office to get the mail.. and then we leave. SHORT. We talked about it as we were getting out of the car.

And, of course, it started out so lovely. As these things do.

We went in. I dropped off the paperwork- and asked if Lily could check out the school. Sure sure, absolutely. The head teacher came over and told Lily to go ahead and play with the kids. In slow motion.. my brain was like noooooooooo. But it was too late. Alright, it's fine. It's fine, I thought.

Ahaha hahha. Ha. Are you new here?

She checkout out a play kitchen for a minute, and then sat down with a couple of kids on the floor. Okay, this is okay I was thinking. Then we moved on to another section. She played with some animals. Started playing with some boys. (SO not surprised.) Moved on, at the teachers suggestion, to a girl that had set up some dolls. Moved to some kids in a tent. Then to a boy playing with a castle. And finally to the other side of the room to a play tool bench.

It was all very cute and lovely. I tried to smile at the girls coming up around me- but other people's children make me nervous. One little blonde girl kept showing me the pictures she was drawing. And let me know that she knew how to whistle. The final blow to her, I think, was when I told her the picture was really nice and asked if it was a.... fish? No, it was a rainbow snail. Fail.

A few times during all this, I would crouch down next to Lily and whisper that we need to go in a minute, okay?

HAAA hahaha. ha. ha.

Finally, one of the other teachers heard me say that to her, came out of the area she was cleaning up and announced to the room that Lily was leaving and for them to say goodbye to her. Oooo. And they did. Lily looked a little surprised. Confused? And took my hand and walked with me back to the original area we came in through.

And then took off towards other toys. Sigh. I whispered to her again. And she did what she does when she doesn't want to do what you want her to do. In public. Sinking down to the floor and twisting away from you. Ohmygod. Ohmygod. I was starting to wish for death in my head. Starting to become mortified. First impression of my child. Not good. Not good. My child cannot behave. My child cannot listen to her parent. Nightmare. So nightmare.

She took off through a circle of kids. And I trailed behind her. The head teacher started talking about the swings outside- and that got Lily's interest. Thank you, thank you for showing her around I told them as I took off after my child.

And guess what? Pretty much the same thing happened outside. But, at least no one was there to witness my lack of ability to control/parent my child. Up close anyway. Until..

Of course the head teacher just happened to be on her way out. Of course. Because once outside, I was really thinking- oh good, here's the pavement.. I can just drop dead right here.

Eventually, I got her all the way over to the fence we came in through. But she still wouldn't go. Not because of my whispering. And non-whispering. Not with promise of "daddy" or "ice cream." Nothing. So..

I picked her up. By the waist. And she started crying. And crying. All the way to the car.

"I know," I told her. "I'm just as embarrassed as you are right now."

And she cried all the way home. And out of the car. And around the yard. And to the face of Jason and Noah when they came out to meet her, with a hopeful look towards me.

I just shook my head. No.

Lily-pire

My daughter bit me this morning. SO hard. So so so hard. And I screamed. Shrieked? It was like screaming and shrieking at the same time- I wasn't sure she was going to let go. I can't explain the pain. I've been bitten by a swan.. and a horse. A HORSE! And when my child bit me today, it was worse.

She wanted to play a video game. (Don't even get me going on the subject of my 3-year old playing video games. I knew it was coming, I just didn't know it would be so soon.) At the other end of the house from where I would be. I didn't tell her no, I said "not right now, okay?" Which was totally unacceptable. She screamed. She thrashed. She pleeeeeeaded. I told her if she didn't stop she wasn't going to be playing them at all. Which, I'm sure you can imagine, went over really well.

She wouldn't leave the room with me. Not on her own, not being carried. So so much screaming at me. I finally got her into the livingroom with me. For about 3 seconds. Then she ran back down the hall towards the video games. And I went after her. More yelling and general naughtiness. And I had it.

I picked her up, took her back to the livingroom, and sat down on the couch with her on my lap. Where she yelled about the game and tried to get away. I started to tell her again that she could play later, when..

She quickly moved her face towards my arm, and sunk her preschooler teeth, deep, deep into my arm. In the past, I've seen her attempt to bite me coming and diverted her face before it happened- this time, she got me. I felt the bite and screamed. She bit down harder and I shrieked so loud I'm sure the neighbors could hear. I quickly got my other hand under her chin and pushed her cheeks in with my fingers until she let go. I rolled her off my lap onto the floor as I got up and ran for an ice pack.

I didn't even look at my arm before I iced it. I couldn't.

But when I did.. 8 perfect, deep, tooth marks. And blood. My little vampire had broken through the skin.

It took a couple minutes to get a picture with my phone (of course I took a picture)- it really didn't want to focus on it. Can't blame it really. Then I sent the picture to Jason (obviously).

He texted back, "what the f--k is that." Oh, nothing.. just your daughter trying to take a bite out of her mother that won't let her play a video game "right now."

what we did this week

 watched being elmo (it was good) / a bug stuck in a piece of raisin bread / mommy and noah / playing trains / lily writes her name no problem / made almond tofu dessert (it's.. different)

Getting away from Corporate America

I just came across two posts from an old, old blog of mine. That I posted on my last two days in Corporate America. I had forgotten what it used to be like for me. Swearing has been editing out for your reading pleasure..


Tuesday, March 25, 2008
A FEW DAYS AGO.. I had a dream that the brands I work for were finally sold. And that they were sold to [a competitor]. When I came into work after vacation there were [competitors] name tags on my desk.

LAST NIGHT.. I had a dream that I came back to work after vacation and all the cubicle walls were gone.. we all just had desks. And when I walked in my department was in the middle of a meeting. There were some new people working and new bosses. The boss leading the meeting pressed and pressed for someone to voice their opinions. Finally someone I didn’t know got up and started complaining about ME. And how I come in to work "extremely late everyday". Then my "boss" got up and started complaining about me too. Everyone starred at me.. until I finally said "okay, well then this is my last week". Then the entire department stood up and started applauding!

TODAY.. I spilled half a cup of apple juice on my lap as I drove to work.

THEN.. When I got to work I found out that 95% of my responsibilities have now been completely taken care of by someone else and that someone at [corporate headquarters] requested that my password to our email deployment service be changed.



Friday, March 28, 2008
Today was supposed to be my last day at work, but when I came back from vacation [got married] on Tuesday it was clear that there really was not a whole lot left for me to do. The girl taking over some of my responsibilities had already completely taken over the two major ones... and everything else was not that significant.

Tuesday I did a few little work things, spent an hour training on what I do, started cleaning out my desk, and getting rid of stuff. Checked my email, talked to Jason a bunch, looked at stuff online, etc.
Wednesday I went in late, printed a few things, cleaned out the rest of my desk, and when I left for the day I was 99% sure I was not coming back.

That night, Jason helped me write an email to my manager and the director above her saying that I trained the girl the best I could, I knew she would have great support from all our offices [putting on a professional front], but that there really didn’t seem to be anything work related for me to do.. so that I was not going to be in for the additional 2 days.

And then I got nervous. Because the domain I sent the email from, sometimes does not get delivered to our work email. Either way, I thought they'd figure it out eventually. No response from anyone by the end of Thursday. Which made me think they just never got it.

BUT THEN I got an email at that address from Human Resources on Friday morning. So clearly they had passed the address on AND SAID NOTHING.. ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to me themselves. Not "thanks for letting us know, good luck". Not "you were such a rockstar we will sincerely miss you". Not "I wish you had let us know sooner you were not coming back". NOTHING. From a manager and a director. How unbelievably childish is that? Could not even muster up a nice front.. even if they were pissed off.

And it’s that RIGHT THERE... that tells me I made the right decision to get away from that place. I worked there for over 3 1/2 years.. worked SO hard.. twisted my mind up into a pretzel.. made myself miserable being there.. and I don’t even get a "thanks". I stayed for an additional 7 months (working part time with reduced responsibilities) after I originally quit so that they could find someone to replace me.. and they just never did.

So so unbelievably childish. That was something I said A LOT when I was there. Wow.


Sometimes I have to read things like this to remind me I made the right decision. And to be extra, extra glad to have(and spend so much time with) the amazing children I do.

Latch on, latch off

I've been reading a lot about Latch On NYC lately. I can't seem to get away from it. Just when I thought the talk had died down a little.. I find it in my email box again this week.

I've read everything from 'formula will be under lock and key' to 'new moms are being forced to breastfeed whether they want to or not.' Crazy, right? I have no idea what to believe anymore. But, on the New York City Department of Health and Mental Hygiene website there was a simple Latch On NYC myth and fact sheet (http://www.nyc.gov/html/om/pdf/2012/latch_myth_fact.pdf). Finally.

I'm going to believe it. With a grain of salt. Because every hospital and nurse will have their own take on "the rules" of it.. and of course some will go too far (one way or the other). But that is the way with everything. And as adult human beings we should come to expect that by now.

So.. Latch On NYC is basically an, in hospital, initiative to support/encourage new mothers with breastfeeding. Etc.

I think it's okay that the hospitals in this program won't be giving out promotional materials from different formula brands. I totally understand that when you get a specific brand from a hospital, it does seems like they are promoting it, even when they are just offering it to you as one of many options you have. If you really want that promotional stuff, you can sign up on each brand's website. Or you may even get it from your OB (I did).

When my daughter was born in 2008, I got a promotional bag when I left the hospital, after I'd already been giving her brand x (that I had chosen from 3 options) for a week.. so it wasn't a big deal. When my son was born earlier this year, I still got to choose the brand of formula for him, but there was no promotional bag. And, I had already gotten one from my OB's office AND signed up through the brand's website.

Latch On NYC doesn't mean formula will be on lock down, that you need a medical reason to get it, or that you will be subject to a lecturing. Hopefully.

But, I can see the lecturing happening. With my first child, I didn't get a lecture, but I did get regularly harassed (yes, harassed) by a lactation consultant while at the hospital. Before she was born, my hospital wanted to know if my daughter would be drinking formula or breast milk. I said something like "I don't know, both maybe." I regretted it the rest of my stay.

I am a college-educated woman, with plenty of internet access, so I'd done a little research. I wasn't super excited about breastfeeding, but I was least open to it. Maybe. And in my mind that meant trying it out, possibly. At some point. And definitely with privacy. Like, in my own home. What the hospital took it to mean was I'd totally love a lactation consultant to be up my ass during my entire hospital stay and while extended family was visiting.

As a private person, in real life, I was mortified. And annoyed, but felt small and bullied. When my husband had finally had enough of her (and me being upset), he snapped at her, sending her out of my room.

Breastfeeding didn't end up being the "best" (as they say), choice for me, my baby, or my family. Not because I didn't feel like making the effort, or because I was lazy, or whatever else moms get accused of. It didn't matter what kind of tactics the "consultant" was using.. it wasn't consulting. I didn't request it. And it didn't work. But I can imagine some women got bullied into it. And will continue to be, at hospitals all over- not just the one I was at.

If you want use formula? Awesome. If you want to use breast milk? Awesome. I think if a woman isn't informed about her options, the hospital should inform her. Of EVERYTHING. Neutrally. Of her OPTIONS. And leave it up to her.

Or when a mother lets them know she'd like her baby to have formula- they could say "have you considered breast milk? It CAN BE really beneficial for reasons x, y, and z IF factors a, b, and c are true for you." As in, IF you are healthy enough- and have a healthy diet. IF your baby is healthy enough- and continues to thrive on it. IF you aren't taking medication. IF you aren't drinking/doing drugs. IF you have the support system to succeed with it. IF you WANT to. Etc.

But I guess IFs don't market as well as the blanket "best" phrase.

Maybe as part of Latch On (and any education for first time moms), when they promote breastfeeding as an OPTION, they also counsel when maybe it shouldn't be an option.

There are situations where a mother should probably NOT be breastfeeding and I wonder how often nurses/doctors try to talk her out of it? Because maybe it's not the best option for mom and/or baby. There are plenty of medications that are known to definitely pass into breast milk and lots that are known to maybe pass into it. And tons that they just don't know about yet. If a new mother isn't willing to, shouldn't, or cannot stop the medication.. shouldn't she be counseled of the risks? Or mothers with a history of drug abuse? Or alcoholism? Or extremely poor diet/nutrition? Because what is that going to do a baby?

Options, folks. That's why we're lucky.. as a parent, a mom.. we have a lot of options. WE should be getting to choose. As moms- choosing without being bullied into it.

Here's my proposed campaign.. "Latch On or Latch Off. Know the risks and benefits. Know your options." Who's with me?

what we did last week

last week was a slow week. apparently: cereal in my Japanese bunny bowl / flowers / more flowers / Lily is getting way too good at video games / and more flowers / Noah playing

Uncle Santa

As we were getting ready for bed, I turned to Lily and asked her what time she thought her uncle would be coming home. "I don't know, she said." Before I could finish my sentence.

.. in the middle of the night.

Just like Santa!

Ya, your uncle is just like Santa.

And he brings presents..

He sure does, like lack of sleep for mommy.

sleeping. or lack there of.

It's so nice when, eventually, your new baby sleeps through the night and you can start catching up on the millions of hours of sleep you missed out on. Unless you live in my house.

Three "nights" ago brother-in-law came home at 3:45am. And woke me up. The next "night," he was considerate enough to come home at 2:35am. And woke me up. Last "night" he came home sometime between 8 and 9am (I can't remember, I'm so tired). And woke me up. (After I had gone to bed at 2am. And then Noah woke me up at 7:30.) Got ready for work (I assume). And then left.

At this rate, I'll have caught up on my sleep.. sometime.. around.. never.

This morning, I tried to look on the "bright side" though. Well, I thought, if I was at BlogHer12 like I was supposed to be.. I probably would have only gotten 5 1/2 hours of sleep last night anyway. And then, oh ya.. so there's that to be sad about too. And I forgot all about the constant awakening. Sort of.