Because I wasn't anxious enough already..

When I went out this morning, I had so many sudden (and horrible) thoughts. About Lily. And school. And ohmagod.. what else am I supposed to teach her about before she's there. Without me.

She knows the whole bathroom process. I think. I hope. About not running, waiting til you get to the toilet to pull your pants down, not taking your pants off all the way, how much toilet paper to use. About flushing, washing hands, how to rinse the soap off, and how to use a towel to dry her hands.

I'm not too worried about it. She'll get the hang of it- of anything I forgot and anything that's a little different than at home. I think. I hope.

She knows her first name, how to spell it, and writes it very well. She knows her last name, can pronounce it perfectly now, and today we started working on how to spell it. We've talked about the city we live in and I try to get her to remember the street we live on.. but that stuff isn't as interesting as video games and Legos. So it's harder.

Alphabet isn't a problem. Numbers aren't a problem. Colors, shapes- all fine. She's not shy. She opens a juice box with no problems. We've got scissors and glue sticks down pat. And she shares surprisingly well for a 3 year old.

I'm a little concerned that she will look for (and find) mischief. (Because she does at home. But I'm used to it. And can stop it before it starts.) But.. I try to tell myself that her school and the teachers there weren't born yesterday.. they've probably seen it all before. I think. I hope.

Really what I started worrying about today is all the other stuff. You know the stuff I mean. The stuff that you think ohmygod, do I need to worry about that with a 3-year old?! Stuff that she cannot even comprehend yet? Stuff that I don't even know how to put into 3-year old words. Stuff.

That no one is supposed to touch you. In certain ways. In certain places. Ever. That you don't keep secrets from mommy and daddy. No matter what anyone says to you- and especially if they tell you not to tell. Drugs? Knives? Guns?! The list is miles long. And I feel horribly sick thinking about it all.

A million times over, I would rather her be prepared and have nothing ever happen to her.. over the ohmygod unthinkable that I never said anything to her, and..

.. and..

.. excuse me while I search Google for bubble suits for almost 4-year olds.