Friday, May 23, 2014

Being two is as bad as it gets

My children and I went to the car dealer today so that I could finally finally finally finally (6 months later) get my 2nd car key. It was genuinely a mircale that I did not lose the 1st/only one or lock it in the car or break it or whatever else. But, now that I have two keys, I assume one of those things will happen within the next few days. To both of them. Anyway..

They were just programming a key, so I figured I could get away with having my pit crew, as one of the salespeople joked, with me. Lily was fine. Noah on the other hand was more like..

Wait. Where are we? Wasn't I just sleeping? I'm not sure about this. Why are we getting out of the car? Fine, we're getting out of the car. Who is this man? Why are you talking to my mommy? Now you're talking to me?! Don't talk to me, I don't know you!

Now we're going in that building? I'm not sure about this. No, no I don't think I like this. Now we're moving again. To chairs? No, nope, no way.. not sitting in a chair. Nope not sitting on your lap either mommy. Wait, how come Lily gets a chair? I want a chair! I don't care if there aren't any chairs left! Fine! I'm going to sit on the floor then! Nope I am NOT going to sit on the floor.

No, seriously, I'm not sitting on your lap mommy. Oh, you have my iPad.. I think sitting on your lap would be fine.

Nope! IPad is no longer sufficient!! Ah, juice. Juice. Yum, I love juice. Juice and ipad.. everything is alright with the world. Well played, mommy.

NO! Everything is terrible and I hate this. Juice and ipad are totally unacceptable. I want your phone! NO!- I will hold it!! Actually you can hold it then because I am going to use my iPad also.

I want to watch videos of myself. Over and over and over. No I want to take pictures of myself. I want to take pictures of Lily. Now I want to take pictures of the other people in the waiting room. I'm doing it! I AM!! Oh, look if you hold the phone so we can see ourselves and I flip my iPad around I can watch what I'm doing on your phone instead.

Hold my juice. Hold me. And your phone. Now hold my iPad too. NO stop holding me! I want to sit on the floor! I want to stand up. I want to go for a walk. Yeah, we're going for a walk!

A clear wall- this is fantastic. Yes, I'm happy just standing here looking outside. Forever. Yup.

Now I want to go out there. No, I'm going to lock this door so no one can come in. NO I WILL NOT MOVE OUT OF THE WAY SO PEOPLE CAN LEAVE! This is intolerable! Why are you talking to me lady, I don't know you. What do you mean I can't cry in here? Do you think you're being funny? Oh, look you're laughing.. you do think you're being funny. I don't care for your humor, lady.

Look it's the clear wall again. Okay, this is fine. Hmm.. no, I'm pretty sure I still want to go out there. Wait, where is Lily going? Why doesn't she want to keep standing here looking at the grass? She needs to come over here! Right now. NO SERIOUSLY I CAN'T DEAL WITH THIS!

Oh, we're done? We're going outside? Yeah! Wait. Wait. No no.. I hate outside.. let's go back inside. Inside! 

Oh, but there's that bush I saw. That's awesome. I want to look at it. No I want to look at it closer. Nope, now we're too close. I hate this! Oh, but maybe I could touch it. NO NO oh my God I don't want to touch THAT! Why are YOU touching?! Stop it. No, it's not okay! Not at all.. we need to leave right now!

Why are we leaving? We can't leave! What, the car? No, we can't get in the car! No. Oh God no! She's stealing me! Stealing me! Help me!! Oh, my iPad.. ah..

And then I went to buy coffee so I would be able to survive the drive home.

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