Pre Pre-School

I had to drop paperwork off at Lily's school and I thought, hey I'll bring her along so she can check it out too. Ahaahahah haha. Ha.

I talked to her about "the rules" of going to "SEE" the school.. for "a short visit".. "a VERY SHORT visit." I talked to her again. I made Jason talk to her. We tried to make her repeat the rules of what a very short visit entailed. I even bribed her with ice cream. Several times.

I talked to Jason about how I was going to DIE if she does what she usually does when you try to get her to do something she doesn't want to. That I would DIE. RIGHT THERE. I would walk out and just DIE right there on the pavement. And that would be the end of me. I swear to God..

As we got in the car, we talked about how SHORT the visit was going to be. Like, when we go to the post office to get the mail.. and then we leave. SHORT. We talked about it as we were getting out of the car.

And, of course, it started out so lovely. As these things do.

We went in. I dropped off the paperwork- and asked if Lily could check out the school. Sure sure, absolutely. The head teacher came over and told Lily to go ahead and play with the kids. In slow motion.. my brain was like noooooooooo. But it was too late. Alright, it's fine. It's fine, I thought.

Ahaha hahha. Ha. Are you new here?

She checkout out a play kitchen for a minute, and then sat down with a couple of kids on the floor. Okay, this is okay I was thinking. Then we moved on to another section. She played with some animals. Started playing with some boys. (SO not surprised.) Moved on, at the teachers suggestion, to a girl that had set up some dolls. Moved to some kids in a tent. Then to a boy playing with a castle. And finally to the other side of the room to a play tool bench.

It was all very cute and lovely. I tried to smile at the girls coming up around me- but other people's children make me nervous. One little blonde girl kept showing me the pictures she was drawing. And let me know that she knew how to whistle. The final blow to her, I think, was when I told her the picture was really nice and asked if it was a.... fish? No, it was a rainbow snail. Fail.

A few times during all this, I would crouch down next to Lily and whisper that we need to go in a minute, okay?

HAAA hahaha. ha. ha.

Finally, one of the other teachers heard me say that to her, came out of the area she was cleaning up and announced to the room that Lily was leaving and for them to say goodbye to her. Oooo. And they did. Lily looked a little surprised. Confused? And took my hand and walked with me back to the original area we came in through.

And then took off towards other toys. Sigh. I whispered to her again. And she did what she does when she doesn't want to do what you want her to do. In public. Sinking down to the floor and twisting away from you. Ohmygod. Ohmygod. I was starting to wish for death in my head. Starting to become mortified. First impression of my child. Not good. Not good. My child cannot behave. My child cannot listen to her parent. Nightmare. So nightmare.

She took off through a circle of kids. And I trailed behind her. The head teacher started talking about the swings outside- and that got Lily's interest. Thank you, thank you for showing her around I told them as I took off after my child.

And guess what? Pretty much the same thing happened outside. But, at least no one was there to witness my lack of ability to control/parent my child. Up close anyway. Until..

Of course the head teacher just happened to be on her way out. Of course. Because once outside, I was really thinking- oh good, here's the pavement.. I can just drop dead right here.

Eventually, I got her all the way over to the fence we came in through. But she still wouldn't go. Not because of my whispering. And non-whispering. Not with promise of "daddy" or "ice cream." Nothing. So..

I picked her up. By the waist. And she started crying. And crying. All the way to the car.

"I know," I told her. "I'm just as embarrassed as you are right now."

And she cried all the way home. And out of the car. And around the yard. And to the face of Jason and Noah when they came out to meet her, with a hopeful look towards me.

I just shook my head. No.

Lily-pire

My daughter bit me this morning. SO hard. So so so hard. And I screamed. Shrieked? It was like screaming and shrieking at the same time- I wasn't sure she was going to let go. I can't explain the pain. I've been bitten by a swan.. and a horse. A HORSE! And when my child bit me today, it was worse.

She wanted to play a video game. (Don't even get me going on the subject of my 3-year old playing video games. I knew it was coming, I just didn't know it would be so soon.) At the other end of the house from where I would be. I didn't tell her no, I said "not right now, okay?" Which was totally unacceptable. She screamed. She thrashed. She pleeeeeeaded. I told her if she didn't stop she wasn't going to be playing them at all. Which, I'm sure you can imagine, went over really well.

She wouldn't leave the room with me. Not on her own, not being carried. So so much screaming at me. I finally got her into the livingroom with me. For about 3 seconds. Then she ran back down the hall towards the video games. And I went after her. More yelling and general naughtiness. And I had it.

I picked her up, took her back to the livingroom, and sat down on the couch with her on my lap. Where she yelled about the game and tried to get away. I started to tell her again that she could play later, when..

She quickly moved her face towards my arm, and sunk her preschooler teeth, deep, deep into my arm. In the past, I've seen her attempt to bite me coming and diverted her face before it happened- this time, she got me. I felt the bite and screamed. She bit down harder and I shrieked so loud I'm sure the neighbors could hear. I quickly got my other hand under her chin and pushed her cheeks in with my fingers until she let go. I rolled her off my lap onto the floor as I got up and ran for an ice pack.

I didn't even look at my arm before I iced it. I couldn't.

But when I did.. 8 perfect, deep, tooth marks. And blood. My little vampire had broken through the skin.

It took a couple minutes to get a picture with my phone (of course I took a picture)- it really didn't want to focus on it. Can't blame it really. Then I sent the picture to Jason (obviously).

He texted back, "what the f--k is that." Oh, nothing.. just your daughter trying to take a bite out of her mother that won't let her play a video game "right now."

what we did this week

 watched being elmo (it was good) / a bug stuck in a piece of raisin bread / mommy and noah / playing trains / lily writes her name no problem / made almond tofu dessert (it's.. different)

Getting away from Corporate America

I just came across two posts from an old, old blog of mine. That I posted on my last two days in Corporate America. I had forgotten what it used to be like for me. Swearing has been editing out for your reading pleasure..


Tuesday, March 25, 2008
A FEW DAYS AGO.. I had a dream that the brands I work for were finally sold. And that they were sold to [a competitor]. When I came into work after vacation there were [competitors] name tags on my desk.

LAST NIGHT.. I had a dream that I came back to work after vacation and all the cubicle walls were gone.. we all just had desks. And when I walked in my department was in the middle of a meeting. There were some new people working and new bosses. The boss leading the meeting pressed and pressed for someone to voice their opinions. Finally someone I didn’t know got up and started complaining about ME. And how I come in to work "extremely late everyday". Then my "boss" got up and started complaining about me too. Everyone starred at me.. until I finally said "okay, well then this is my last week". Then the entire department stood up and started applauding!

TODAY.. I spilled half a cup of apple juice on my lap as I drove to work.

THEN.. When I got to work I found out that 95% of my responsibilities have now been completely taken care of by someone else and that someone at [corporate headquarters] requested that my password to our email deployment service be changed.



Friday, March 28, 2008
Today was supposed to be my last day at work, but when I came back from vacation [got married] on Tuesday it was clear that there really was not a whole lot left for me to do. The girl taking over some of my responsibilities had already completely taken over the two major ones... and everything else was not that significant.

Tuesday I did a few little work things, spent an hour training on what I do, started cleaning out my desk, and getting rid of stuff. Checked my email, talked to Jason a bunch, looked at stuff online, etc.
Wednesday I went in late, printed a few things, cleaned out the rest of my desk, and when I left for the day I was 99% sure I was not coming back.

That night, Jason helped me write an email to my manager and the director above her saying that I trained the girl the best I could, I knew she would have great support from all our offices [putting on a professional front], but that there really didn’t seem to be anything work related for me to do.. so that I was not going to be in for the additional 2 days.

And then I got nervous. Because the domain I sent the email from, sometimes does not get delivered to our work email. Either way, I thought they'd figure it out eventually. No response from anyone by the end of Thursday. Which made me think they just never got it.

BUT THEN I got an email at that address from Human Resources on Friday morning. So clearly they had passed the address on AND SAID NOTHING.. ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to me themselves. Not "thanks for letting us know, good luck". Not "you were such a rockstar we will sincerely miss you". Not "I wish you had let us know sooner you were not coming back". NOTHING. From a manager and a director. How unbelievably childish is that? Could not even muster up a nice front.. even if they were pissed off.

And it’s that RIGHT THERE... that tells me I made the right decision to get away from that place. I worked there for over 3 1/2 years.. worked SO hard.. twisted my mind up into a pretzel.. made myself miserable being there.. and I don’t even get a "thanks". I stayed for an additional 7 months (working part time with reduced responsibilities) after I originally quit so that they could find someone to replace me.. and they just never did.

So so unbelievably childish. That was something I said A LOT when I was there. Wow.


Sometimes I have to read things like this to remind me I made the right decision. And to be extra, extra glad to have(and spend so much time with) the amazing children I do.