The heartbreak of growing up. Mine.

Dear Lily and Noah,

Right now, Lily you are 3 1/2 years old (3 3/4 really).. Noah, you are 3 months. And honestly.. what the heck? Slow down you guys, mommy is having a hard time dealing with how fast time is flying by.

Lily, I watched you sitting on the couch eating pizza last night. With all your teeth- like it was the least big deal in the world. Totally normal. I watched you in awe. Because.. I remember when you could only gnaw on the crust, until your saliva made it soft enough to swallow. Now you eat the whole piece.. without anyone even cutting it up for you. And I just stare at you because I cannot believe how much you've grown.

You were wearing "big girl" underwear last night too. And you used the potty before sitting down on your princess throne/towel -not because you need it, but because I am paranoid. Diapers are pretty much gone from your life. And really because I let you tell me when- and not the other way around. I just stood to the side and cheered (and egged) you on. Weren't you just a teeny tiny baby 5 seconds ago?! I remember when you were born! And I remember having no idea about babies, now you are on your way to preschool. Which is an entirely separate "oh my God!" situation. I am already mourning over it. What are Noah and I going to do all day without you? We'll be SO bored.

Speaking of Noah.. Now seriously, Noah, you really were a teeny tiny baby 5 seconds ago. Weren't you?! I swear you were. I hardly recognize the tiny baby in the pictures from your first couple of weeks as you. I remember when Lily came to meet you in the hospital and when we brought you home for the first time. Seriously, that was just last week- but somehow you are 3 months old now! I remember feeling sad when the last newborn diapers were gone.. and now there are just two lonely size 1 diapers left. You are growing so fast.. you'll be probably be in those size 2s before I finish writing this. Unreal.

You sleep almost all the way through the night.. for more than a month now. You hold your head up and your legs are so strong that you can already bear your full weight to stand up on your own- I half expect you to take step forward. And you love it. You love it so much that sometimes you cry just so that someone will stand you up. I'm going to blink and you'll be walking. It's all too fast. I was so anxious when I knew you were coming- and now I can't imagine life without you.. or your sister.

I love you guys more than I could ever find the words to explain.. Just slow down a little on the growing up. Just a tiny bit. I'm so proud of all the things you both can do.. but ouch, my heart.

Now if you excuse me, I'm going to go use up half a box of tissues re-reading this letter and thinking about how neither one of you are tiny babies anymore.

Love, Mommy