We make washing the floor exciting

"We had giant ants last night. I washed the kitchen floor. Noah put his mouth on bottle of cleaner. Called dr and poison control. Good times."

So.. ants. We have/had giants ants. I'm hoping it's had, but.. only time will tell. It started downstairs last week.. and then Monday night while I was making dinner I saw one in the kitchen, near the table. And then another one. And another one. So I knew I was going to have to clean and wash the heck outta the floor, radiators, etc. Fun.

I moved one half of the kitchen into the other half and cleaned away. I vacuumed, sprayed a disinfecting cleaner on the floor along the walls, and then washed the floor with a bucket, rag, and brush. Oh ya.. I wasn't messing around. I got everything ready, snapped on my giant cleaning gloves and announced to the ants.. "now you're all in big, big trouble!"

After the first half of the floor was done, I picked up my bucket, hobbled into the bathroom to clean myself up, and then sat on the couch to die take a break.

Then I heard Jason yelling from the kitchen. Noah had come up behind him, gotten a hold of the floor cleaner, and stuck the nozzle in his mouth. Apparently in all my I'm-going-to-die hunched over hobbling to the bathroom silliness, I hadn't picked up the bottle from where I had left off. And although the kitchen was mostly blocked off, my little toddler found a way through.

Jason was convinced Noah was going to die, although I eventually determined that mostly nothing had come out of the bottle,. But of course there was still cleaner on the sprout. I tried to clean his mouth out a little bit, gave him a piece of bread, and tried to get him to drink his milk. Jason participated in the evening's events by overreacting. A lot. And Googling things.

I thought Jason would feel better if he called the pediatrician himself- and we'd also know for sure what else we needed to do. He refused- claiming he would just get hysterical. (No, really?) So eventually I called them.

I got transferred to 3 different people- none of whom answered the phone with anything other than "hello?", so it was somewhat awkward not knowing who I was talking to or what sort of medical background they had. The final person was the on-call nurse at another office who told me to just call poison control and they could help me.

Since I was in the middle of making Lily's cheese sandwich, I had Jason do it. He got off the phone with them acting like he hadn't ever been hysterical at any point. Apparently they said Noah was probably fine and to call back if he started coughing. He didn't.

Now.. at this point, let me say.. the floor cleaner I was using wasn't even mine. And I didn't even want to use it, but Jason hates all my organic/"safe"/whatever cleaners (Method, BabyGanics, 7th Generation, etc) and I wasn't in the mood to hear a rant about it from him- so I used the horrible, nasty, chemically cleaner instead. I hate when I don't listen to myself and then stuff like this happens. Because, just for the record, do you know what the back of the Method floor cleaner that I was going to use says? "If swallowed drink a full glass of water." So. There.

(And after I was 100% sure we weren't going to have to go to the emergency room.. and bring the bottle with us.. that horrible thing went right in the trash.)

Aaaaanyway, Noah was fine. He's still fine. I, on the other hand, am in a little bit of pain. Because after all that excitement, I still had the other half of the floor to clean. And I did. And then I did the dishes. However.. the kitchen floor is the cleanest it's been in.. I don't even know how long. Walking on it is actually a tiny bit thrilling.. it's almost like ice skating it's so clean and almost slippery.

And then Tuesday happened..

"Found 3 giant ants in the living room today. Moved everything vacuumed the heck out of carpet and couch. Am probably going to die now."