I am still not supposed to be doing most things. I one, assume this because I have not been medically told otherwise and two, know this because the more I try to do, the more my body makes me pay for it later. But Noah had to go to the doctor today. So I had to take him. And Lily. By myself.
I'd already postponed his check-up once and when I rescheduled they couldn't fit us in for weeks. I didn't want to wait much longer or we'd be running into the next milestone check-up. I figured I'd just get through it. I thought I'd slowly carry him down the stairs, bumping him down step by step if I needed to. Once we got outside I'd put him down.. he'd toddle after Lily and I to the car and it'd be fine. If I could get him to hold one of our hands, great. If not, then if he falls he falls. Yes, that's what I thought.
But then I discovered it was going to snow. And then it was going to rain. But I thought the snow would be gone by the time we needed to leave, the ground would be wet, but it would be fine- because Noah has shoes. Yes, that's what I thought.
All the snow was still on the ground as we were leaving (late, obviously). And it was raining- some nice freezing rain. We were so late, I had to just hold my breath and fly down the stairs carrying Noah.
Lily waited inside the doorway, while I buckled Noah into his car seat, and then it was her turn. My back was drenched and the front of my pants were totally soaked through with freezing water- which caused much swearing. But at least my feet were dry. At least that.
Somehow we were only about 5 minutes late to Noah's appointment and we were the only ones in the waiting room. We went into the back part of the room, which has a half door, so I could put Noah down and give my back a rest. I thought, okay this is good- this is exactly how I was hoping it would be. Lily picked out a book for me to read and Noah toddled around the room safely. Yes. Here we go. Yes, that's what I thought.
Then the appointment after us came in- a mother and her three kids (the oldest girl was about 6, another girl a little younger, and the boy was about 3). And all three kids ran right up to the half-door, tried to bang their way in, and yelled for it to be unlocked. I just sat there and starred at them. I didn't get up to open the door or ask Lily to- I thought their mother would see Lily and I.. and Noah toddling around.. and keep them in the other part of the waiting room. Yes, that's what I thought.
But instead, she strolled up behind them and opened the door to let them loose on us. I thought we'd lost our quiet, safe space, but when the older one immediately grabbed a book and plopped down the floor to start reading to the other two I figured it would be okay. Yes, that's what I thought.
Then their mother closed the door, turned around, and sat in the other part of the waiting room. Wait, what?
I didn't say anything when the youngest one grabbed Noah's hand and started talking to him. I didn't say anything when I slowly started to realize that all three of them (and later the mother as well) were sniffling a little. I didn't say anything when all three of them were running around the room and yelling.
I also didn't say anything as they ran in and out of the enclosed space opening, closing, and slamming the door. I didn't say anything when it was clear I was watching these three kids instead of their mother. I didn't even say anything when the oldest girl continued to point out "the baby" to the little boy.. to such an extent that he finally walked up to us again and grabbed both of Noah's hands.
(I mean, I didn't say anything out loud.) But I should have.
The kids were very cute, all of them- but it was clear that the oldest was minding them way more than their mother. They were way too young to understand that they were sick, we were not.. and that we'd like to keep it that way.
So, I picked up Noah (who I'd been holding the whole time so he wouldn't get hit with the constantly swinging door), grabbed all our things, and moved us back into the main part of the waiting room with the mother. And there the three of us sat, as far away from her as we could get.
Her children kept doing exactly what they'd been doing, while she did and said nothing to them. They all sniffled, touched their noses, and hovered around us- while I planned out our sanitizing routine once we got into the exam room.
If you added up the energy level of those three children- Lily could have put that total to shame all by herself, barely breaking a sweat.. so I "get it." But, Lily also knows how to behave herself and so do I. After I had called her over to me, asked her to sit in the chair, and let her know that those kids were sick.. she listened to me.
You'd think after being a mother for over 4 years now, nothing about how other people parent their children would surprise me anymore, and yet..
She knew her kids were sick and she knew she was sick. She said she was just at her own doctor and as our visit was wrapping up, I heard the doctor say she'd let them know if "it was positive" (which I assumed was them being tested for some illness). The room we were in was "supposed to be" for well children and she should have kept her sick kids in the main part of the waiting room. And she should have stopped them with the door- if even for their own sakes.
I don't want to have to say something to someone else's child because they aren't saying it themselves. Do you think I wanted to say "Honey, I think you might be sick, please don't touch my baby, okay?" to a 3-year old? After he'd already touched Noah. Or "Ooo! Watch out with the door I don't want you to knock over Noah or pinch your fingers. Okay?" 10 times to any or all of them. Or to their mother "Are your children sick, it seems like they're all sniffling?" dot dot dot. Light bulb?
I just parented my own children and silently stewed about how someone else wasn't doing the same. Because that's what I do. Instead of REALIZING, hey- I AM a parent and I am NOT out of line to suggest that something about someone else's parenting at this moment isn't going right. Even if I have to "shame" them into doing something by speaking to their children instead of them. Which, is kind of unfortunate, but I assume you'll have more luck with a 3-year old complying than with the parent of the 3-year old that is watching them, but not reacting.
I need to work on that. Ya, that's the problem here.. that I need to work on speaking up when another mother's lack of responsibility over her children could be not safe for my children. Which, I know I do, but.. of course.. it wouldn't be an issue if..
